i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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