There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
