my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
