it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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