Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You took a bar mat shot.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
