i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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