Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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