Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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