The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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