sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
