Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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