Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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