are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
