Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
