Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
