I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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