is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
