i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
