Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
