Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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