i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
