I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
