Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
