we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We don't watch enough power rangers
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
