So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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