i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
