All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
