she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
