he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
