I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
