How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
