Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
