The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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