If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
