You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
