she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
