There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
