she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
