watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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