there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
