she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
