i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
