Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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