I wish life had little blips of pornography
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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