Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
