Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
