Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
