I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
