What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
