Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
smell my finger.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
